Love or Hate?

There’s one choice you can make in this life.

 

Will you chose the path of love or hate?

 

You create your reality. If your desires aren’t aligned with your heart then people get hurt. If you want to punish yourself you attract negative situations. Why do we feel we have to sink into our own self-pity? We are the only ones who block ourselves from the lives we truly desire. We believe we aren’t good enough to deserve something, we could never have the life we want? We manifest the outcome, WE have the power. Your thoughts create your reality, they turn you into the person you are. They are so powerful. So why do we often turn to such negative self-talk? Happiness is your choice to make, it sounds so easy, and it is THAT simple. But we complicate things, we veer off course, we put up road blocks. When you are stuck, you chose it, you need to figure out what it is you do not want to face in yourself.  Fucking face that shit! NOW is the time to get moving. Things are changing, things are happening. Do not chose the easy path, the comfortable one. This is the path of hate, chose love.  It is really that simple. There are all these common beliefs, ways you should live, things you need to do. Find the beliefs that resonate within you. You make your choices. Don’t look to others to walk your path for you.

Why do you feel stuck? What things are holding you back? Face yourself. In the words of Mastisyahu, “Lose your backpack filled with sand”. Pull yourself up. Negative thoughts are easy, distracting. Sometimes it’s easier to feel stuck then move with the currents of change. You don’t need to pull that weight. Pull yourself out of the darkness, for it is the darkness you yourself creates

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There’s things you wish you did, didn’t do. Cut ties from the past, move on, because opportunities come in the future to re-write these situations. You didn’t do all the growth you should have, thought you were ready for. Fine, then use the next opportunity that comes to make the growth happen. The worst feeling you can feel is regret. It blocks you. Know that you were doing your best in the situation that you knew how to at the time. Learn and use the feeling to act the way you truly desire in the next situation. Life is all about growing, trudging through the shit, and coming out wiser on the other side.

Let go of these negative patterns. Break through the old and into the new. Believe in yourself, and know that your purpose awaits you. You are here to make a difference. And everyone, including yourself, deserves to see that happen.  The times when it is the hardest to choose the higher path, is when it is the most needed, when the most change will happen. You don’t want to live this way, then stop living this way. YOU are the compass. We all stumble, it’s about finding the light that shines through the darkness. It’s about how you deal with mess ups. A friend told me, things get really bad before they get good, and it’s about how you deal with it all that will decide what comes out of it.

 

What path will you chose?

 

 

Inner Journey in Inverness

I knew I had to take a trip alone. I mean I came to Edinburgh alone, but this was going to be different. I had made a lot of American friends and was starting to become too comfortable. A lot of people I know are so comfortable with their lives they forget to explore, to learn, to LIVE. I looked up some tickets and decided I was going to take a bus to Inverness and stay for three nights.

I remember the first trip that scared me to death was a solo day trip to NYC. It's an hour and a half train ride from my hometown in New Jersey, but I had never done it alone. I can feel the panic I felt that day, being so choked up and full of fear that I could hardly breathe. I didn't even know what I was afraid of. I think it was mostly the unknown, the worry that I wouldn't find my way, or something "bad" was going to happen. Looking back I realize how ridiculous I was being. It just goes to show you how your own negative thoughts and beliefs can alter the way you feel, and how it can swirl around inside of you and keep you stuck in your old ways if thinking.

I decided to push through and take the trip anyways, I mean I was going to the Metropolitan Museum of art, how could I bail on that. The real root of my hesitation was others beliefs, the fear about traveling that I was taking in as my own beliefs. I could hear other peoples thoughts, "women shouldn't travel alone..New York is a big city..what if you get mugged?.. you can't trust everyone..."

These thoughts weren't mine. At each stop the train took I could feel myself letting go of these fear based thoughts and falling deeper into my own positive thoughts. I realized how downright crazy these stereotypical beliefs were. It was even crazier to realize how easy it is for fear to consume you, if you let it.

I ended up having a great time wandering about the museum. I even had a few people ask me for directions, must have been the certain pep in my step. This day was the opening for more fearless journeys to come. And the thing is, the whole day I never once felt alone.

I booked a mega bus to Inverness, a small city in the highlands of Scotland. I had planned on couch surfing with a couple from Latvia. It was going to be my first time couch surfing alone, and I was a bit nervous. But everything checked out, and I had good had a feeling about where I was staying. When I arrived at the Inverness bus station, my host Maris, offered to pick me up to take me to their house. As soon as I met him I knew there was nothing to worry about. He made me feel comfortable and at ease.

Canal in Inverness

                        

River Ness

Maris and his girlfriend were so accepting, open, and interesting. The first day Maris suggested I go to a cemetery situated on top of a hill to get good views on the city. He said you wouldn't find that on any tourist sites, haha. It was a gorgeous cemetery, not like back home in the U.S. It was a enormous with giant tombstones, and really well kept.

The second day, they lent me their bike so I could bike to a nearby town called Dores, which borders the great Loch Ness. I was so in awe at their trust and openness. I could tell that Maris genuinely loved meeting new people, and had a positive outlook on the goodness of people. It really hit home that I don't have to hold onto to my old beliefs and be so closed off to people.

Biking to Loch Ness was so freeing. It was an absolutely beautiful ride, with rolling hills, stretches of farmland, and sheep. Just flying down the bike path was so amazing and liberating. I felt like I was leaving behind something I didn't need anymore. Arriving at Loch ness felt like such an accomplishment. It was such a mystical place. I enjoyed sitting on a rock letting the wind swirl around me as I soon drifted off to sleep. I awoke to an approaching storm and made it back just in time before the rain hit:). I, however, did catch a picture of three crazy Scots swimming in the lake before I left.

Biking face

Loch Ness!

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On the last day I took Maris's suggestion to hike up to the Kessock bridge viewpoint. He showed me exactly where to go, and even dropped me off at the hostel I was staying at for the last night. It was amazing. I spoke for a few moments to an older Scottish couple who had their young son with them. Standing on top of the hill viewing the bridge and the entire city I had a realization: Life isn't just about the long lasting relationships you hold, but about those brief instances where two paths cross for just a moment in time. You share that moment, and it's in this very second that you realize we are all one and connected by something bigger and more meaningful than us. 


On the walk back to my hostel I took in the views of the bay as the sunset. I came to realize that the beauty in this world is more important than my problems. Sometimes I get so caught up in my head, I forget to just be, or even why I came to Scotland in the first place. To see beauty, live, push myself, and experience new things. I think the biggest theme of this trip for me is comfortableness. It can be a very bad thing, because it turns into monotony, then boredom, then depression. Having curiosity, a thirst for new experience, and the courage to take on the unknown is the foundation for growth, for a fulfilling life. I don't want to settle, I have never been a settler. I want to be fulfilled. Everyone deserves that right.

 

 

Aberdeen with Alex

 

 

 

 

My partner in crime, Alex and I, decided to take a couch surfing trip to Aberdeen for two nights. We stayed with a lovely host, Janine which couldn't have been a better fit for us.  She was so easy going and inviting. We were both noobs to couch surfing, and it couldn't have been a better first experience. The seed was planting that would lead me to my next solo couch surfing trip. The highlight of our stay was seeing Dunnottar Castle.

Alex and I

 

 

As you can see the castle's location upon a rocky cliff is quite the perfect location. We walked along the coastline, catching magnificent views of the north sea. We actually were able to see a few seals not too far off from shore below us! The tide pools and rocky shore was just amazing. The rocks were polished smooth from the tide and there were so many different colors, shapes, and sizes of stones.

 

 

 

 It was so out of this world being there. It brought me back in time. I could almost see the knights in armor and blood being shed.

The Beginnings of my Edinburgh Excurison

    About a month ago I embarked on a solo journey to Edinburgh, Scotland to study for a semester. Before this I spent three months in Everson, Washington doing a wildlife rehabilitation internship, one of the most empowering and humbling experiences I've ever had.





shawn, myself, rose, maggie

 Prior to leaving for Edinburgh, I stopped in Glen Gardner, New Jersey, a small town where I'm from. I hadn't been home for seven months. I could feel a shift in my family, like an opening that hadn't been there before. All that time away a change had happened in myself, along with a push forward in my family.

On September 5th, my dad dropped me off at Newark airport, and we hugged goodbye. While waiting for my flight I could feel my stomach churning, nerves I suppose. Funny thing was my flight was delayed for lavatory issues..

While sitting in the airport I could not quite grasp that I was leaving. I had known this day was coming for a while but it still felt so surreal. I had traveled alone to Costa Rica, but I met other Americans at the airport. This time I was going to be switching flights and going through customs alone, not knowing anyone ahead of time. But that was one of the best parts, starting somewhere with no attachments.

I couldn't sleep very much on the plane, feeling a mix of excitement, nerves, and anticipation. Soon enough I arrived in Paris and made my connection to Edinburgh.

My luggage didn't make it to Edinburgh. Before I left America I donated a bunch of stuff, feeling lighter. At this point it was mostly just stuff to me. Yet, it is a comfort to have your luggage with you. Anyways,  it made it to me eventually. Shortly after I took a shuttle organized by my program to my student accommodation. Turns out six of my flat mates are American and one  Scottish. We quickly all got on very well.

Bainfield Place, home sweet home

Together we hiked Arthur's seat, explored the city, and hit the pubs. The week we arrived was "freshers week" which consisted of pub crawls, night clubs, and other events. Not anything like a typical fresher week in America, I mean we can't even legally drink until 21!


Flatmate fun

Oktoberfest in Edinburgh, 2pint German beer

Getting ready for the next pub, sporting our "fresher" shirts

In the weeks to come I did some exploring of the city on my own and hiked up Calton Hill. You can find this at the end of Princes street.  The Nelson monument can be seen from Princes street, situated on top on the grassy hill. It serves as a memorial for Admiral Horatio Nelson who died in the battle of Trafalgar. The monument played a big role in helping captain's navigate their ships. It contained a time ball that dropped at precisely one o'clock each day. The gun
 
I still had a yearning to do something bigger and to push myself further out of my comfort zone. I pondered a few trips in my mind.


Nelson Monument

 

 

 

 

 

The Day it all Began

The date was July 25th, 2013 and it marked the beginning of my journey. I arrived at Wilmington International airport (ILM) around 10am and my flight was due to leave at 11:10am. ILM is a very small airport with a whopping 6 gates. So I had plenty of time to get situated. I went to print my ticket to find my flight had been cancelled. This was not a big deal since my flight to Costa Rica was not until 2:10pm the NEXT day. So I had all day to get into Miami. So I hopped on a later flight with Delta airlines where I transferred at Atlanta airport instead of Charlotte.

While I waited for my flight I took the time to write in my journal. I do not remember feeling nervous for the trip. I really enjoy flying alone. Actually, I prefer it that way. It is just time to reflect and charge up with the booming airport energy. I just like the feeling of leaving for somewhere new, and knowing that everyone else is going somewhere as well. Its almost like every time I take off in a plane its a fresh start and I leave "baggage" behind. Its the start to an unknown adventure mixed with a little bit of nerves.

I started noticing little hints that this trip was meant to be (funny angels.)  I talked to an older couple who were on the same flight that got cancelled and BOOM they had just recently taken a trip to Costa Rica. Coincidence? I think not.

Soon enough it was time to board and the adventure became more of an adventure. I had my ticket scanned and I guess my seat was never assigned in the system. So I had to wait for them to sort that out. I was sort of chuckling on the inside thinking that something did not want me to leave. But there was no stopping me. After a few minutes I was on the plane. I looked to the left and there was a girl with a stuffed sea turtle sitting in her lap. I giggled to myself because when I arrived in Costa Rica I would be doing sea turtle conservation work. Funny angels.

I landed in Atlanta and barley had time to catch my connecting flight. I ran to the gate and made it just in time. I arrived in MIA around 5:00pm. I had a room booked at the airport for the night so I had time to chill and relax before it was time to leave for Costa Rica the next day. I could feel the onset of something momentous happening. I knew that the next day it would all really begin. The best feeling was not quite knowing what would happen, but knowing that it was going to be remarkable.

-Kelly

"A dusty door that had been closed for years had been opened, and behind it was the world..."

Photo credit: Erica Ward

So I know many people think without an open mind. For example, I never thought about traveling or seeing the world. No one thinks about these things until your exposed to it, and man was I exposed to it! I embarked on the journey of my heart, I'd like to call it. I left for Costa Rica on July 25, 2013.

Before this adventure could begin, I needed the approval of my parents and of course their help financially. The seed sprang when a friend of mine told me about her trip with a group called International Student Volunteers (ISV). At first I thought it was too much of a long shot, but then I researched and found a trip to Thailand. Then I erased those thoughts and began thinking, WHY NOT! Why can't I go to Thailand? Why can't I ask my parents to help me out? It actually was about the balance of giving and receiving. I like to think that I have helped my parents to open their minds and helped them to see the light as well (and I worded that simply, but come on we know how stubborn parents can be and man was it a shit load of work! lol.) So that was my justification, and as my friend calls it my "karmic bank."

I pleaded with my parents and tried to show them all the pros of me going on this adventure. I was late in signing up for the trip and I knew time was not of the essence. Finally, I got a call from my dad telling me that both he and my mom would back me up on the trip! I was ecstatic! Right away I called up ISV and to my dismay Thailand was all booked. I could feel my heart drop but the angel of a lady on the phone told me calmly she was going to look for room on the Costa Rica trip.

..And BOOM! There was a spot to Costa Rica, and even better it included conservation work with sea turtles. This was right up my alley, and I began to think this worked out way better than I had ever imagined! I told my dad the good news and we began getting everything ready for the trip!

Each day that passed I thought about Costa Rica. Every chance I got I would tell someone, even people I did not know, that I was going on this trip; I hoped that maybe this would spark something in them as well.

I could see a change within my parents. My mom went from being very set on the trip not happening to sending me packages and packages of supplies to help get me ready to leave. Some sort of hold was broken and I could see the clouds clearing away. Also, I know a pattern was broken for myself; I was following my dreams. A dusty door that had been closed for years had been opened, and behind it was the world...

#1

Well this will be my first ever blog post! Here it goes. I think I will be mostly talking about my journey's, maybe just life in general. Well I am now out of the "spiritual closet". I think people cringe when they hear the word "angels" or "God". I know I used to. But my life has not been the same since I accepted their help into my life. For me the whole thing has just been ending the cycle of feeling sorry for myself, and not believing in my dreams. Mostly I like to view Angels, or God as parts of the bigger ONE or universe. Just by connecting with the universe you connect with all things. All things are vibrating and contain energy. So what we desire, and how we think are little vibrations or self talk we send out to the universe. So what we think we translate and in turn receive. "Change your thoughts, change your life" right? I decided to take the arduous route and CHANGE. It sounds so simple but, for so many people change seems too difficult. It is all about taking that first step.
  I think my first step was changing schools. I chose my path for all the wrong reasons. I was majoring in OT to please my parents, make money, and I did not want to leave my dad behind. I felt like he needed me at home. But I came to realize I could not lie to myself anymore and I started to realize a lot of the things I felt responsible or wasted energy worrying over were not my deal. I moved to UNCW and changed my major to Marine Bio. The hardest part was telling my dad. But I told him the truth and he backed me up. I realized that being true to myself and believing in my path has brought me many blessings. So if you are reading this and know you are on your path for the wrong reason, I hope you take that as a blessing to choose the path of your heart.
   The major thing for me was pulling myself out of the darkness I was swirling in, the darkness I myself built up. I had a hard time transitioning from high school to college. I was just getting out of a relationship and had to deal with all the things I did not want to face within myself. Most of all, I had no one as my crutch; that was the scariest part of all. But the most interesting part is all the obstacles I built were my own doing. I finally decided that I was tired of feeling sorry. I was tired of wasting energy and fueling the shit storm I was swirling in.
   A dear friend of mine showed me that the light was always there, and I know now that it is there shining brighter than ever in dark times. I have learned so much and through picking myself up I opened up the door for my greatest adventure in my life that I will hold within my heart always--my trip to Costa Rica. I will talk about this in the next post!!
-Kelly