Love or Hate?

There’s one choice you can make in this life.

 

Will you chose the path of love or hate?

 

You create your reality. If your desires aren’t aligned with your heart then people get hurt. If you want to punish yourself you attract negative situations. Why do we feel we have to sink into our own self-pity? We are the only ones who block ourselves from the lives we truly desire. We believe we aren’t good enough to deserve something, we could never have the life we want? We manifest the outcome, WE have the power. Your thoughts create your reality, they turn you into the person you are. They are so powerful. So why do we often turn to such negative self-talk? Happiness is your choice to make, it sounds so easy, and it is THAT simple. But we complicate things, we veer off course, we put up road blocks. When you are stuck, you chose it, you need to figure out what it is you do not want to face in yourself.  Fucking face that shit! NOW is the time to get moving. Things are changing, things are happening. Do not chose the easy path, the comfortable one. This is the path of hate, chose love.  It is really that simple. There are all these common beliefs, ways you should live, things you need to do. Find the beliefs that resonate within you. You make your choices. Don’t look to others to walk your path for you.

Why do you feel stuck? What things are holding you back? Face yourself. In the words of Mastisyahu, “Lose your backpack filled with sand”. Pull yourself up. Negative thoughts are easy, distracting. Sometimes it’s easier to feel stuck then move with the currents of change. You don’t need to pull that weight. Pull yourself out of the darkness, for it is the darkness you yourself creates

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There’s things you wish you did, didn’t do. Cut ties from the past, move on, because opportunities come in the future to re-write these situations. You didn’t do all the growth you should have, thought you were ready for. Fine, then use the next opportunity that comes to make the growth happen. The worst feeling you can feel is regret. It blocks you. Know that you were doing your best in the situation that you knew how to at the time. Learn and use the feeling to act the way you truly desire in the next situation. Life is all about growing, trudging through the shit, and coming out wiser on the other side.

Let go of these negative patterns. Break through the old and into the new. Believe in yourself, and know that your purpose awaits you. You are here to make a difference. And everyone, including yourself, deserves to see that happen.  The times when it is the hardest to choose the higher path, is when it is the most needed, when the most change will happen. You don’t want to live this way, then stop living this way. YOU are the compass. We all stumble, it’s about finding the light that shines through the darkness. It’s about how you deal with mess ups. A friend told me, things get really bad before they get good, and it’s about how you deal with it all that will decide what comes out of it.

 

What path will you chose?

 

 

Inner Journey in Inverness

I knew I had to take a trip alone. I mean I came to Edinburgh alone, but this was going to be different. I had made a lot of American friends and was starting to become too comfortable. A lot of people I know are so comfortable with their lives they forget to explore, to learn, to LIVE. I looked up some tickets and decided I was going to take a bus to Inverness and stay for three nights.

I remember the first trip that scared me to death was a solo day trip to NYC. It's an hour and a half train ride from my hometown in New Jersey, but I had never done it alone. I can feel the panic I felt that day, being so choked up and full of fear that I could hardly breathe. I didn't even know what I was afraid of. I think it was mostly the unknown, the worry that I wouldn't find my way, or something "bad" was going to happen. Looking back I realize how ridiculous I was being. It just goes to show you how your own negative thoughts and beliefs can alter the way you feel, and how it can swirl around inside of you and keep you stuck in your old ways if thinking.

I decided to push through and take the trip anyways, I mean I was going to the Metropolitan Museum of art, how could I bail on that. The real root of my hesitation was others beliefs, the fear about traveling that I was taking in as my own beliefs. I could hear other peoples thoughts, "women shouldn't travel alone..New York is a big city..what if you get mugged?.. you can't trust everyone..."

These thoughts weren't mine. At each stop the train took I could feel myself letting go of these fear based thoughts and falling deeper into my own positive thoughts. I realized how downright crazy these stereotypical beliefs were. It was even crazier to realize how easy it is for fear to consume you, if you let it.

I ended up having a great time wandering about the museum. I even had a few people ask me for directions, must have been the certain pep in my step. This day was the opening for more fearless journeys to come. And the thing is, the whole day I never once felt alone.

I booked a mega bus to Inverness, a small city in the highlands of Scotland. I had planned on couch surfing with a couple from Latvia. It was going to be my first time couch surfing alone, and I was a bit nervous. But everything checked out, and I had good had a feeling about where I was staying. When I arrived at the Inverness bus station, my host Maris, offered to pick me up to take me to their house. As soon as I met him I knew there was nothing to worry about. He made me feel comfortable and at ease.

Canal in Inverness

                        

River Ness

Maris and his girlfriend were so accepting, open, and interesting. The first day Maris suggested I go to a cemetery situated on top of a hill to get good views on the city. He said you wouldn't find that on any tourist sites, haha. It was a gorgeous cemetery, not like back home in the U.S. It was a enormous with giant tombstones, and really well kept.

The second day, they lent me their bike so I could bike to a nearby town called Dores, which borders the great Loch Ness. I was so in awe at their trust and openness. I could tell that Maris genuinely loved meeting new people, and had a positive outlook on the goodness of people. It really hit home that I don't have to hold onto to my old beliefs and be so closed off to people.

Biking to Loch Ness was so freeing. It was an absolutely beautiful ride, with rolling hills, stretches of farmland, and sheep. Just flying down the bike path was so amazing and liberating. I felt like I was leaving behind something I didn't need anymore. Arriving at Loch ness felt like such an accomplishment. It was such a mystical place. I enjoyed sitting on a rock letting the wind swirl around me as I soon drifted off to sleep. I awoke to an approaching storm and made it back just in time before the rain hit:). I, however, did catch a picture of three crazy Scots swimming in the lake before I left.

Biking face

Loch Ness!

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On the last day I took Maris's suggestion to hike up to the Kessock bridge viewpoint. He showed me exactly where to go, and even dropped me off at the hostel I was staying at for the last night. It was amazing. I spoke for a few moments to an older Scottish couple who had their young son with them. Standing on top of the hill viewing the bridge and the entire city I had a realization: Life isn't just about the long lasting relationships you hold, but about those brief instances where two paths cross for just a moment in time. You share that moment, and it's in this very second that you realize we are all one and connected by something bigger and more meaningful than us. 


On the walk back to my hostel I took in the views of the bay as the sunset. I came to realize that the beauty in this world is more important than my problems. Sometimes I get so caught up in my head, I forget to just be, or even why I came to Scotland in the first place. To see beauty, live, push myself, and experience new things. I think the biggest theme of this trip for me is comfortableness. It can be a very bad thing, because it turns into monotony, then boredom, then depression. Having curiosity, a thirst for new experience, and the courage to take on the unknown is the foundation for growth, for a fulfilling life. I don't want to settle, I have never been a settler. I want to be fulfilled. Everyone deserves that right.

 

 

Aberdeen with Alex

 

 

 

 

My partner in crime, Alex and I, decided to take a couch surfing trip to Aberdeen for two nights. We stayed with a lovely host, Janine which couldn't have been a better fit for us.  She was so easy going and inviting. We were both noobs to couch surfing, and it couldn't have been a better first experience. The seed was planting that would lead me to my next solo couch surfing trip. The highlight of our stay was seeing Dunnottar Castle.

Alex and I

 

 

As you can see the castle's location upon a rocky cliff is quite the perfect location. We walked along the coastline, catching magnificent views of the north sea. We actually were able to see a few seals not too far off from shore below us! The tide pools and rocky shore was just amazing. The rocks were polished smooth from the tide and there were so many different colors, shapes, and sizes of stones.

 

 

 

 It was so out of this world being there. It brought me back in time. I could almost see the knights in armor and blood being shed.

The Beginnings of my Edinburgh Excurison

    About a month ago I embarked on a solo journey to Edinburgh, Scotland to study for a semester. Before this I spent three months in Everson, Washington doing a wildlife rehabilitation internship, one of the most empowering and humbling experiences I've ever had.





shawn, myself, rose, maggie

 Prior to leaving for Edinburgh, I stopped in Glen Gardner, New Jersey, a small town where I'm from. I hadn't been home for seven months. I could feel a shift in my family, like an opening that hadn't been there before. All that time away a change had happened in myself, along with a push forward in my family.

On September 5th, my dad dropped me off at Newark airport, and we hugged goodbye. While waiting for my flight I could feel my stomach churning, nerves I suppose. Funny thing was my flight was delayed for lavatory issues..

While sitting in the airport I could not quite grasp that I was leaving. I had known this day was coming for a while but it still felt so surreal. I had traveled alone to Costa Rica, but I met other Americans at the airport. This time I was going to be switching flights and going through customs alone, not knowing anyone ahead of time. But that was one of the best parts, starting somewhere with no attachments.

I couldn't sleep very much on the plane, feeling a mix of excitement, nerves, and anticipation. Soon enough I arrived in Paris and made my connection to Edinburgh.

My luggage didn't make it to Edinburgh. Before I left America I donated a bunch of stuff, feeling lighter. At this point it was mostly just stuff to me. Yet, it is a comfort to have your luggage with you. Anyways,  it made it to me eventually. Shortly after I took a shuttle organized by my program to my student accommodation. Turns out six of my flat mates are American and one  Scottish. We quickly all got on very well.

Bainfield Place, home sweet home

Together we hiked Arthur's seat, explored the city, and hit the pubs. The week we arrived was "freshers week" which consisted of pub crawls, night clubs, and other events. Not anything like a typical fresher week in America, I mean we can't even legally drink until 21!


Flatmate fun

Oktoberfest in Edinburgh, 2pint German beer

Getting ready for the next pub, sporting our "fresher" shirts

In the weeks to come I did some exploring of the city on my own and hiked up Calton Hill. You can find this at the end of Princes street.  The Nelson monument can be seen from Princes street, situated on top on the grassy hill. It serves as a memorial for Admiral Horatio Nelson who died in the battle of Trafalgar. The monument played a big role in helping captain's navigate their ships. It contained a time ball that dropped at precisely one o'clock each day. The gun
 
I still had a yearning to do something bigger and to push myself further out of my comfort zone. I pondered a few trips in my mind.


Nelson Monument